Easter Sunday 2011, that's the day my friend Tim died. i didn't find out about it til 4 days later. At first i didn't want to believe what i just read on that facebook message my friend Scott sent me. I remember i was actually having a great day until that unfortunate news.I really didn't want to go to his funeral to see his body. It's such a surreal feeling knowing that that person whom i've actually know I am never going to see him walk the earth again he's permanently gone. I went the the funeral that saturday and walked around seeing all these pictures of him but there was one thing that kept bothering me the whole time I was there.

I don't remember him...

One of my best friends in middle school who I looked up to and inspired me into astronomy, got me into star wars (deeper) and aliens I don't remember him... As I am typing this I realized that the last time that we were close was  about 12 years ago. It just up until now never seemed that it was that long but continuing though i 'm in line slowly approaching his coffin and i'm trying to think of something to say to him in my mind in  a prayer but i couldn't think of anything good and also at the same time slowly confronting my fear of seeing him in the coffin as I slowly moved up the pews. When i finally got to this coffin I looked at him. I felt nothing. I felt nothing! This really bothered me! HE WAS MY FRIEND AND I DON'T FEEL SORROW LOOKING AT HIS CORPSE!?

After the funeral that day my reaction to seeing him laying there dead scares me.

Why don't I feel any emotional to connection to him anymore?

Why I do I only remember very little of him?

Those two questions i think about it the most for the past couple of days. In comparison to my friend Rick's funeral  i was so emotional at his funeral despite the very short relations i had with him. Those emotions were out of guilt for me not being able to get in contact with him after all these years. I thought that day what it would be like if one of my friends who i knew longer would die. Now that day has finally come and i don't feel anything continue this entry tomorrow

[Work]

I think i have been working for a good month now. Wow does time goes by fast. I've learned that I apparently I am not the shit with electronics like i thought I was. Well it's not so much of that i get customers who don't know wtf they should be looking for and i cannot exactly help them find it. Don't get me wrong i 'm not saying i don't know but lets say i have a problem with my own tv i can look at the back and figure out what i need to fix it. If someone comes to me with that same problem that i know how to fix and describes it to me in such a wierd way i just freeze up like "duhhh...." sigh.

For the most part I do enjoy work though. I just really...REALLY want to start making more money. I have to get good at my "craft" per se. Although it's not initially hard to do but there's these extra security measures i have to undertake  and I don't get to practice often nor get to screw around with the simulations. I really gotten dropped off at one of the BUSIEST chains in the world I believe we were 2 in the nation and 6th in the entire world in terms of volume. The thing with this picks up really fast. It's like a tidal wave you don't see it coming until it's too late.

However getting back to the part of making more money alot of the company's income is selling phones that's how I would get extra profit. However the process of checking out a phone is so tedious as well made even more complicated because of this fraud ring that was going on. In order to qualify for some plans some phone companies ask to check the customer's credit history. Typically if you got bad credit you won't get approved or you would have to pay a deposit for the plan. There was this guy nickenamed "Fat Boy" who would take homeless people off the street (since they have good credit record for not having any) have them buy the phone/contract in their name, take the phone from them, then cancel the contract and sell the phones on Craiglist or Ebay. Because of this we would have to make sure that this person hasn't purchased a phone or so from any of our neighboring stores etc. I usually get tripped up in the steps of ringing out of phone and i would have someone else literally take over and essentially take my sale. I'm quite surprised about the amount of fraud that's going around. I had a few customers who had stolen or unvalidated social security numbers. I remember one time in the store i heard: "Try my other social security number" lol wut i didn't know you could have two.

But i have been treating this like this was a class i've been doing research on phones trying to find out what makes em good or not and as well learning plans so i can accurately calulate on the fly what would be more beneficial. It is quite hard to do so it's so confusing at times. Oh well in any case I intend on surpassing everyone in the store in terms of sales. I'm a greedy bastard. Even though i am a greedy bastard i 'm not going to use underhanded techniques that in particular two successful employees have been doing to boost their sales which which includes  "tricking" the customer into buying products. One of them gotten caught trying to do that by a savy customer who made sure that she wasn't going to be sold something that she didn't need. I rather not try to force anything on people even if i have to force to meet ends meat.

[The Funneh]

This has actually been on the back of my mind for the longest. Becoming a comedian and/or comedy writer. Although it may not seem like it especially from the past couple entries I believe my writing can be quite comical and entertaining. Some of my older posts on myspace, here and on facebook i had people telling me how funny an entry was. As for being a standup comedian I think it's just something I could do really well drunk... haha. While I was at F.A.C.T this year i saw this guy at this talent show just trying some standup routine. He did a OK job but personally i think i could've out-staged him on the jokes. Most of my jokes would involve being a confused weird bi-racial kid, life/college experiences, growing old, and wierd shit i think about in my head. I just recently asked one of my favorite comedians i'm friends with on Facebook about what got him started in comedy. i was expecting a really long answer in a mini autobiography form but he simply replied to me with two words that made perfect sense:

"Free drinks"

That really does explain a lot..

Comedy writing would be a fun job. I already get a lot of practice by editing articles on encyclopediadramatica.com. I would love to write articles for somethingawul.com or even actually just write movie scripts. Heh i just remembered that I actually WAS writing a movie script based off an idea my friends and I had for movie. Lets put it this way. Think Pineapple Express but less homo/bromo. Maybe i should start again writing non nonsensical funny entries on here again. These past few entries has really killed it in the humor the dept.

I'll think i'll save the serious discussion for next entry

If my life was a book or there was a book written about me this part of my life i would call this chapter Why?

Why am i still up?

Why am i still here?

Why do I feel this way?

Why am I writing this entry as if I'm writing it for people to read?

I should be sleeping by now but i cannot. I am feeling so discontent that my body will not allow me to go to sleep because i feel that i am wasting more time but yet i have nothing to do. Sigh whatever. I mean this is getting ridicoulous with the emo/cynical-ism. Yet i mean what else to talk about really with me. I'm not awesome i don't have any stories about my day that is particularly interesting well actually wait i do.

[Huffing Windex]

So first day at my job...since I'm not exactly allowed to talk about where i work on social media pages I'll forever refer to this place as The Job and my training consists of...a thick as manual of phones and a long ass online training videos i need to watch do and pass....Fucking great i guess. At the same time i ain't got shit else to do other than max out my final days of WoW before the release of the expansion when I will retire. but i'll get to that later. After about an or two in sitting in front of an old computer which i'm relatively shocked seeing how they have all these computers. My other boss comes in, after congratulating she tells that she has some cleaning for me to do...My first thoughts was that "are you serious?" of course i didn't ask that but I said i'll get right to it but little did I know she was for real with that. So for the next 4 hours or so I worked at a snail's pace deliberately dusting the entire place well at least most of it til it is spic and span quite honestly. I wanted to throw up all that windex made me quite nauseous. Well lets hope i did a good job. I'll find out in about 4 hours from now.

[Co Workers]

Generally speaking they're bunch of cool guys real chill and pretty much right up my alley in terms of humor and interests. One of them is a breakdancer I found out as he told me he hurt his elbow doing windmills. We might have a breakdance battle later on heh. I think should practice windmills again i generally got the motion down even if it's really bootlegged.

[Goodbye]

I think this is actually the first time I cut a facebook friend at least someone who i know in real life. I'm not just cutting a facebook friend i'm cutting a real friend. Quite honestly if you're going to act like i don't exist and quite not making any attempt to communicate with me even with a simple a hello take it that I am not wanted and we are no longer friends. It's really a shame of how my friendship between lia and i just brokedown. Yet i still blame myself for all of it but there's not much i could do at this point. Although it does feel like a stab in the back meh whatever. Looks like this is the part of the road where both can no longer see each other on our different paths.

[Gay]

"You're so gay!...Oops sorry wrong person...Ignore that!" For some reason i don't think that was accidental. In any case I started talking to him. He's a pretty funny guy anyways. Yet for the entire duration of the conversation at least for the most part of it all we talked about was gay people. Did i mention he was gay?....looking back...no i didn't but anyways he's gay i don't care about that really not that big of a deal. Although i do kinda feel sorry for him well not him all the gay people that isn't living in San Francisco. People tend to forget that gay people are people too they get lonely and it's not like they could just go out and find someone like that so they do the other thing...Convince straight people that they're gay. Which at one part of the conversation I felt like he was trying to do with me.

"Every straight guy has a little gay in them"

I could agree to that to some extent after learning that one of my gay friends all the guys he dated actually had wives, or girlfriends. Quite honestly i believe that if anyone has to question whether not they're gay. Then they're gay. For me I know i'm straight sexually and mentality i don't have to question myself because i know i wouldn't like it. As i was explaining those viewpoints to him in our gay discussion using my "hitting myself in the dick with a hammer story" he says something along the lines of:

"Well you wouldn't care if you were getting your dick sucked by a guy because it's the same as a girl"

At that point i realized he's trying to use Hannibal Lector reverse psychology on me I called him out on it indirectly but he got the message. Then again I guess you can blame him.

[Retirement]

I plan to retire from WoW on the day of the next expansion there's nothing in it for me anymore especially now that i want to be focused on my job to begin my whole step towards liberation. I think one thing I want to do before I leave is to make sure that this one guy is able to beat the game finally. Generally a sincere person seems really frustrated that it's been taken him so long to kill the Lich King because of Fail groups. In fact i'm quite lucky myself to have 1 shot it with a bunch of people who were just as frustrated as he and I were. Yeah from the looks of it though I'm not going to be playing the next expansion for for a long time just like when i gave up the Burning Crusade expansion for a year and a half before coming back. However this retirement seems pretty permanent. I need to find a way to sell my prized character...

Good night